speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
