I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
