Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
