Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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