Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
