I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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