So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
