my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
