the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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