That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
