dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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