Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
