just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
