Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
