Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
