I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
