No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
