Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
