No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
