You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
