I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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