Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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