Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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