quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
