Screwed.edu
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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