hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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