It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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