just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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