I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
