It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
MIDGETS
????
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
