You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
