So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
