I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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