Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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