no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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