I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
