Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
