ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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