I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
