I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
