I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
