Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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