This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
