i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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