I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
