So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
