You smell like stripper and shame
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's always time for handjobs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
