hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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