I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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