i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
