After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
