is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
