he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
