Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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