Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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