would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
