broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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