she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
