Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
