airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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