First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He passed out mid-signature
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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