I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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