If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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