Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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