there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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