I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
