She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
