apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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