I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had sex bonerless
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
