well you can't waste a boner
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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