So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
