I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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