The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
