do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
